Scha

i think one malay guy needs some words from me, i dun care whether he gonna get hurt or whatever, but i must say this as a friend. hope he knows i’m talking about him.

so i have a bf, he starts judging me that guys dont want girls that go out with many guys. but do i?

he was saying this after showing me his pic with a girl. not the girl he used to tell me too. was another girl. how come i didnt say he’s flirting around too? cuz he’s a guy and he got rights to flirt around while us malay girls are meant to stay at some corner of the kitchen, preparing food for all the malay guys?

never stated in islam either. malays are making islam look bad.

so dani is converting. i took a long while to make him comprehend the true islam, not malay. yes, malay is the race. islam is the religion. go for islam, not malay. so if they stare at him cuz the fact of his race, who cares? stare at me too cuz the fact i’m malay, so? i dont care.

just wanna tell u that u could make it sound like the whole world is against me and dani, but there’s nothing u can do about it cuz in islam we’re not forced to part. the end.

How come so long I never write here? Haha.. I come only to check on Awai and sato aneh and only like once every few months. Lolzzz…

Anyways, I’m no longer an artist. I didn’t go to the art exhibition in Indonesia, my boss tot i wasn’t showing interest. He has already given away my position in KL to someone else. Who’s gonna let me work in KL anyways. My dad? Haha. WRONG!

Now I’ve finally decided (after soooo long ago I’ve been having it playing in my mind), I gonna move out. But i will take my babygirl with me. To Taiping!

Why Taiping? How could i know? Lol. cuz easier to find a job there? Maybe. But no please, not because i have my parents’ house there. Slowly I will drag myself out from all this. Its just the matter of time. But need slowly.. cant just move from Penang straight to Italy. At least go Taiping first, and then KL.. and then Italy? Hehe. Why Italy? Yeahhh a big question mark is there!!

Actually going to Taiping isnt my first idea. But well, better than having them keeping me here and telling me to just stay in Penang if wanna work. Taiping is at least closer, they can come pester every weekend. They need someone to clean the cats’ poo. hahaha I’m a dung master? WRONG!

I missed working as an artist. The $$$ is so nice but too bad it lasted just for a few months and I couldn’t save up more money. If I did, I must be in Italy now.

Why Italy?? The big question mark is there!!! Hahahahaha I hate gossips. I’m not Nokia connecting ppl. Ppl can’t connect me to anybody they like and then make it like scandal. Demyuh!

Til then, biarlah rahsia

I’m still gathering energy and money to build a better life, I hope with him, since he is also doing the same. I should be alone? WRONG! I need motivation!

I feel more at ease now, takde pengacau seperti Ain. Dan Azrin rasenye dah kawen. Bagos. Kalo tak tu asik ckp miss u je.

我认为我喜欢你。但您可能喜欢某人。T_T 我们是朋友七年… 您知道, 我真正地喜欢您?

可能不是… 我现在睡觉。

Kekadang tu okay, pastu tetibe sakit teruk balik. Kitorang ni mcm dah idop dlm spital tu je. Dah kene halau, baru la kitorang reti balik umah. Kalo tak, mesti dah tido2 kat spital tu.

Saye tau saye bangang. Saye byk sakitkan ati dia, walopown secare tak sengaje. Sometimes tu org lain yg wat, saye yg dpt name. Tp tu la satu2nye abah yg saye ade. Kalo bleh, saye nak dia tak risau tinggalkan saye sorang2 lagi, psl saye dah pandai jage diri saye.

But sometimes… bende tu dah memang nak jadik. Camne pon akan jadik gak. Fated that way. Ade la blessing in disguise tu. Cume wat mase skang ni saye teramat risau psl dia. Kalo bleh saye taknak dia stress lagi, pk psl anak2 dia. At least saye ade depan mate dia, takde la dia duk risaukan saye lagi.

Saye tak ske rase camni. Saye tak ske ade org halang2 saye jumpe abah saye. Saye dah benci ngan bau ubat kat spital tu. Saye taknak lagi jumpe dokter2 kat situ walopon dorang ensem.

So, saye arap kwn2 tolong la doakan abah saye cepat sembuh. Bacekan Yasin utk dia. Even if dia memang tak ditakdirkan utk sembuh, mintak permudahkan la jalan dia. Taknak biarkan dia sakit lame2. Saye taknak tgk dia nanges lagi.. abah saye mmg bkn jenis yg menanges ni.

Aneh rasanya.. tp camtu ah.

1. Aku ske beli simkad yg ade nombor cantik2, tp akhirnye aku tak gune pown. Beli je sekadar menyedapkan mate kat umah. Bingai je.
2. Bile aku panik or risau psl pape, aku mesti g tido. Bknnye nak selesaikan masalah. Bile bgn pastu panik balik, aku pon sambong la tido. Anggap sume tu mimpi semate2.
3. Bile tido plak, aku ske letak bende kat hujung kaki. Pape je la, asalkan bukan buku. Skang ni atas katil aku ade bakul ngan beg ape tah. Saje, bile tido tu aku ske sepak2, especially bile ngigau. Rase best je. Malang la sesape yg kawen ngan aku sok.
4. Aku ske taip name org yg aku knal kat Google ke, pape search engine. Pastu search dorang kat situ. Apsal tah. Pastu mule la dpt website pepelik, yg ade trojan dan bapak trojan.
5. Aku enjoy wat org tekejut. Slalunye aku slap org tu dari belakang. Memule dorang mesti rase cam ok je, tp aku rase dah lelame mesti dorang anggap aku ni annoying. Haha.
6. Ade satu petshop kat sini, tiap2 ari aku wat lawatan amal kat sane. Apsal tah. Bkn nak beli ape pon. Saje cuci mate, tgk arnab ngan emster. Cine kedai tu pon dah sakit ati bile nampak aku.
7. Adri slalu jadik mangse aku psl aku slalu kutuk dia, aku ckp muke dia cam indon la. Nape tah, rase cam best je kutuk dia, nak2 lagi kutuk dedepan. Tersgt best. Ape pown aku rase dia tau aku tak maksudkan.
8. Bile aku ngantok dan lapo, aku akan merepek. Cam skang ni. Kekadang tu aku merepek sampai tergado ngan sesape. Hahaha. Kene byk bersabar la korang ye.
9. Aku takleh tgk 7-11. Kalo nampak je, mesti aku benti, pastu beli aiskrim. Skang ni keje aku beli Wall’s Moo tu ngan Spiro.
10. Disebabkan pengaruh adik aku yg pompan tu, kitorang slalu lalu-lalang depan hospital kerajaan kat sini, especially kat zon merah, tempat kecemasan. Kat sane ade dokter mude2 yg ensem2. Kitorang siap betting lg sape nak blakon pengsan ari tu utk mendapat perhatian. Bangangnye kitorang, kan? Adik aku yg laki tu lg tak senonoh. Tiap2 hari masuk wad lelaki sbb nak tgk nurse cun2.
11. Aku ske Barbie dolls. o_O Dari dulu lagi. Bknnye nak main pon, saje ske tgk dorang stylo. Kalo masuk Toys ‘r’ Us, tu la department yg aku carik dulu.
12. Kalo tgk cite antu, aku ske layan sesorang. Lg best tgk kat cinema. Aku ske bile tekejut2 tp takde sape nak tekejut ngan aku. Haha. Tekejut sesorang. Satgi ade antu duk kat seblah, baru padan muke aku.

Okay sekian. Aku nak gerak dulu.

He wants me back.

HE WANTS ME BACK!!!

I don’t know whether I should be happy or sick about it. It has been a year. And I thought he’s totally gone for good. Lagipun aku kan budak kampong je. Mane capai standard millionaire cam dia?

He said sorry. When he said all those bad things about me, he wasn’t thinking. He was too angry to stop talking. Tipulah. If he really loved me, he wouldn’t even raise his voice against me. Especially when I did nothing to hurt him.

I find it strange though. That time when he asked for us to break up, I was telling him about the play where I acted as stepmom. Did he think I intended to hurt him by making he feel like I was sooo happy with my friends and not with him anymore? It was my biggest day of my life, and I wanted to share my happiness with him.

He said he didn’t like me anymore. Just like that. And left.

He didn’t even tell why he didn’t like me anymore. He disappeared for two weeks and came back calling me a ’slut’. ????? Tak pahamnye. He was the one sleeping with someone else behind me and pretended ‘busy at work’ for one whole week.

Someone said if he comes back to me, it means he’s mine. But.. I don’t want to go through all that anymore. So, I will let him go. Completely.

Saye tak sangke dia mcm ni.

Memule pk takkan la wujud org camni. Tapi tak sangke, punye murahnye diri tu dia buat semata2 nak dptkan perhatian.

Dia ni spesis suke sakit maigren. Saye btul2 pecaye, dan amik berat pasal dia. Dia ckp takde ubat yg berkesan utk dia. Air zam2 je so far yg ade bagi kesan. Kebetulan, saye ni mmg ade bwk air zam2 ari tu mak bwk balik dari umrah, so saye tercakap yg saye ade air tu. Mase tu notice gak mate dia terbelalak. Mungkin dah dpt idea. Besok dia mule la sakit2. Sampai nak pengsan la, itu ini. Bile saye tak layan, dia jadik bertambah kronik. Saye tatau dia memain ke serious, tp bile dah jadi bende2 lain cam kat bawah ni, saye teringat balik psl yg ni dan mule ragu2 same ade dia btul sakit atau nakkan air zam2 tu je.

Pastu ade satu ari ni, dia bengang sgt sebab saye tak layan, so dia bebuat tersalah send SMS kat saye. Yg kononnye SMS tu dia nak kasik kat mak dia. Macam2 la dia tulis dlm tu, dia jatuh la, muntah la, sakit la. Saye ingat2 balik, dia pakai Motorola (henpon saye yg dipinjamkan kpd dia buat sementara waktu). Henpon tu kite kene key-in phone number sendrik, bukannye amik kat list cam Nokia. Tak mungkin dia tersalah send. Tp saye berbaik sangke. Pk mungkin dia sakit sgt. Tapi bile pastu dia SMS lg skali, send bende yg same, ilang trus simpati saye kat dia. Saye tau dia menipu. Besok saye jumpe dia, ckp yg saye tau dia tipu. Dia pown janji tak wat lg. Lepas tu tak sakit pown. Leh lak jalan2 g cafe.

Pastu saye mmg suke org Cine or sesape yg Chinese-look. And trus dia ngaku yg dia ade darah Cine. Tu pasal misai dia tumbuh kat tepi je. Hahahaha. T_T

Saye ckp Saye rapat ngan mak saye, slalu SMS mak saye. Dia pown ckp yg dia rapat ngan ‘mama’ dia. Slalu gak SMS. Tipuk. Asal kuar ngan dia je, enpon tu tak pnah bunyik. Enpon saye lak asik masuk msg dari mak je.

Tu takpe lg. Skang dah cuti ni, dia buat pangai lg. Kononnye dia stress kat umah, dia nak lari. Dia nak g bunodiri la ape la. Saye konpius. Last time mase kes dia ‘tersalah’ anto sms tu, nampak gaye cam dia kamceng ngan mak dia. Takkan la mak dia pown tak dulikkan dia sampai dia nak lari dari umah.

Pastu dia ckp dia masuk spital lak. Saye konpius lg. Kalo dia lari dari umah, tak mungkin dia leh senang2 masuk spital, unless parents dia yg anto. Parents dia dah tau ke yg dia lari? So, saye pown online la slalu, nak tgk dia akan reply tak msg saye kat frenster ni. Sbb frenster ni takleh bukak pakai wap. Tgk2 laju je dia reply. N saye tanye la spital tu ade cybercafe ke, n dia tu sakit ape sampai admitted pastu leh lak jln2 g check frenster. Dia kate dia check kat enpon. Sah menipu.

So, saye pown SMS la mak dia, tanye btul ke dia masuk spital. Mak dia kate, kontek la dia sendrik. Mmg sah anak dia yg pathetic tu ade kat umah, tak lari pown. Bahkan, sehat walafiat. Leh online 24 hours lagi.

And u know wat? Utk sedapkan ati dia sendrik, dia ckp thanx kat saye psl amik berat pasal dia, pasal gi tanye mak dia psl condition dia. Akan tetapi, sume tu dah terlambat, kate dia. Lorh. Saye rase cam nak muntah. Dia ingat saye kontek mak dia psl saye tgh asmara ngan dia ke, yg kononnye saye amik berat ke? Saye ni nak tau je dia menipu ke tak. Pasal saye tau dia reply msg frenster saye tu pakai internet, bukan wap.

And pastu kitorang pown lame tak kontek. Tp pastu setelah beberape lame, dia tu sepatutnye dah malu gile ngan saye psl dah kantoi, dia still simpan number saye n bebuat tersalah send lg.

Tak tahan btul. Ini bukan pangai semulajadi. Ni pangai dibuat2 dan bleh diubah. Pasni saye berikrar takkan melibatkan diri ngan org yg pathetic camni, especially yg ske bebuat tersalah send.

Aku start blaja balik sem depan pade 28 jan. So skang ni aku kene keje kuat untuk bayo yuran sem depan. Dem. Dlm kes ni, abah pown tak leh tulun. Bkn tak leh, tp dia taknak.

Sib baik aku ade adik2 n mak. Dorang nak tgk aku teruskan, taknak aku quit. Terharu gak aku.

Ape pown korang takkan paham. Blaja balik tak semestinye mencapai sesuatu yg aku cita-citakan. Dalam kes aku, blaja balik sekadar menyedapkan hati org je..

inilah padahnye pade sesape yg ske spy aku

just read what she has to say about me. I DON’T CARE ANYMORE.

Eh?? Since when? Jom buat2 tak kenal..

She’s controlling my life like I’m her wife. She can’t accept me changing for good. One day, she’ll change too, and she’ll hurt any girl she’s been sleeping with.

Have faith in God. Kite dijadikan utk berpasangan, bkn dgn yg sejenis. I’m not against it, tapi taknak terlibat.

We’re strictly friends, like it or not. Okay, girl?